


Dinner with Itachi

by caidanu (Zanya)



Series: Little Things Verse [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Gen, General Shenanigans, Humor, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:12:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanya/pseuds/caidanu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday, having Itachi over for dinner will be a normal affair. Tonight is not one of those days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dinner with Itachi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rasengan22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasengan22/gifts).



They all sat around the antique oak dinner table, and Sasuke noticed how Naruto looked particularly nice tonight dressed in a dark blue navy button-up shirt and slacks. Of course, he had just gotten home right after an appointment with a client about a possible editing project whereas Sasuke and Itachi were dressed down in jeans and collared t-shirts. 

“Hey, Sasuke, gimmie the salt.” Naruto poked Sasuke’s knee with his foot from underneath the table, making the navy blue tablecloth bunch up a little. “And the pepper… I need some of that too.”

Sasuke just looked at Naruto with an irritated look on his face, half tempted to just hit Naruto in the head with the salt and pepper shakers. Maybe that would knock some manners into that dense head of his, wondering if Naruto talked so casually with his clients. Instead, Sasuke only cut a slice of ham on his plate, ignoring the bright light overhead from the crystal chandelier or that it somehow enhanced Naruto’s features and made him look even more handsome than usual. It was a shame that so much handsomeness belonged to an idiot. 

Naruto had moved in with him two months ago and insisted on having Itachi over to dinner every Sunday night. And even though he loved Itachi, the dinner time conversations usually headed into uncomfortable territory at one point or another. At least it gave him a good reason to stock up on wine; the booze felt much needed after a night of Itachi’s teasing comments.

“Hey, bastard, why are you ignoring me?” Another poke to Sasuke’s knee before something inside Naruto seemed to click. “Oh for crying out loud…” Naruto sat up and lowered his voice, making it sound proper and almost British. “Sasuke, can you please pass me the salt and pepper so that I may use a pinch or two on my mashed potatoes and ham?”

“May you. May you please pass the salt and pepper.” Itachi chimed in from his side of the table. “I’m sure Sasuke’s plenty capable of doing it.”

“Oh for fucks sake, not you too, Itachi.” Naruto looked at Itachi with something akin to betrayal and mock-horror in his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re turning into an asshole like Sasuke.” Naruto waved his hands in the air dramatically. “It’s a virus that’s spreading around to all Uchiha men! Like a Zombie apocalypse, only anyone with the last name Uchiha turns into an unbearable asshole.”

“Sure, just like a Zombie apocalypse, and if you’re not careful, you may catch it as well, Naruto,” Itachi rolled his eyes, sounding slightly exasperated. “If you want Sasuke to answer or do something, Naruto, you should know by now to use manners and decent grammar, or he’ll just sit there and ignore you instead. He does it all the time to Kakashi.”

“Yeah, how come you’re so rude to that old perv anyway? He’s not so bad once you get used to him.” Naruto poked at the side of his plate. “I mean, sure he’s a little weird an’ all, but that’s no reason to not acknowledge him… like ever.”

“That ‘old perv’ annoys me just by breathing.” Sasuke watched Naruto’s fingers run across the silver lining on the plate, his gaze probably lingering longer than it should. “He needs to be introduced to a pillow over the face while he’s sleeping.”

“What is with you an smothering people with pillows?” Naruto grumbled. “That’s all I hear about, smothering so-and-so because of this or that reason.”

“Now, now, Sasuke, where are your manners?” Itachi asked with a smug look on his face. 

“What, are you head of the manner police?” Sasuke’s voice lowered only slightly while doing his best Itachi impression. “Hi, I’m Itachi, head asshole and grammar connoisseur. I’m everywhere… waiting for the right moment to pop out and correct your terrible grammar. Obey me now or else suffer my etiquette wrath.”

“What are you, five?” Itachi calmly replied before taking the bite of corn on his plate. “And I sound nothing like that. Please pass the corn, Naruto.” 

“Yeah seriously, Itachi, manner this, manner that,” Naruto waved his hand back and forth while passing the bowl of corn to Itachi, spilling some on the table. “You’re starting to sound like a broken record or somethin. Don’t you do enough of that at work?”

“What I don’t get,” Sasuke scowled at the spilled corn. “Is how you managed to move all of your things into my apartment without me noticing, yet you can’t handle a simple task of passing a bowl of corn without spilling it.”

“He’s just defending his poor grammar, and being just as sloppy about it.” Itachi commented with a note of irony in his voice.

“Screw the both of you.” Naruto shoved a rather large piece of ham in his mouth and began to chew on it, eyeing them both up suspiciously. 

The room became surprisingly silent other than the chomping sounds coming from him. And did Naruto have to moan and close his eyes while he ate? Sasuke felt almost like he was watching a porn flick. 

“All this time, that’s all it takes to keep you quiet.” It amazed Sasuke how much Naruto could fit into his mouth at one time. Probably something the size of a small animal or bird. 

Naruto swallowed the ham with a loud gulp. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I do believe Sasuke is telling you that all you need is a piece of hot meat in your mouth to shut you up.” Itachi smirked. “Maybe plan B is the way to go, Sasuke.”

“Don’t you even there bring up plan B.” Sasuke* “We agreed never to mention it again.”

“You’re the one who came up with it in the first place.” Itachi sipped his wine and sighed. “I’m only pointing out the benefit of…”

“That doesn’t count.” Sasuke quickly interrupted Itachi, not wanting his brother to finish that sentence. It would only lead to embarrassment and possibly explaining to his mother why he had to do Itachi in. “I was so drunk that night I would have said anything to stop your needling.” 

“You lack balls, little brother.” Itachi leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “And true ambition for your goals.”

“What the hell are you two babbling on about anyway?” Naruto asked with a mouthful of food. “No, never mind, don’t want to know. As long as it doesn’t involve my ass, I don’t care.”

“Oh, but you see, Naruto, it does involve your ass… very much so.” Itachi set down his fork and chuckled. “This is… almost… too easy.”

“Shut up Itachi. There’s no need to discuss this.” Sasuke kicked Itachi in the leg, hard. “Say another word about plan B and I will end you.” 

“Oh, now there’s a threat for you, Itachi. Ha ha, I bet you’re shakin in your shoes. Better be careful or Sasuke will put you on his shit list.” Naruto threw his head back and laughed at himself, slapping his knee, pointing a finger at Sasuke. “You two crack me up. It’s like you all childlike n’ shit when Itachi’s around. Next Sunday, I’m recording you two for sure.”

Sasuke frowned, picking up a spoonful of mashed potatoes. He pulled the tip of the spoon back and let it go. A wet smack between the eyes silenced Naruto for a moment and a look of surprise at what just happened dawn on him. 

“Did you just… throw mashed potatoes at me?” Naruto glanced over at Itachi who just shrugged. 

“I didn’t see a damn thing.” Itachi chuckled. “Sasuke’s too busy thinking about plan B and how to enact it.”

“I see how it is.” Naruto lowered his head, keeping and eye on both of them. “And here I thought you were on my side.”

“You just got hit between the eyes, and you need Itachi to reaffirm that it actually happened?” Sasuke watched Naruto wipe the potatoes off his forehead. “You’re… not very bright, are you, Naruto.”

“Hey… what’s that s’posed to mean?” Naruto looked them both over, trying to work it all out in his head. “And what does plan B have to do with me anyway?”

“Never mind. It’s not important.” Sasuke pushed his plate away from him. “I think I’m done eating. I’m going to play the PlayStation. Come and join me when you’re done, Naruto.” 

“What about Itachi?” Naruto asked. “Isn’t rude to just leave the table before a guest?”

“Itachi can take a long walk off a short pier for all I care.” Standing up and grabbing his glass, Sasuke picked up the bottle of wine sitting in the middle of the table, grumbling about how there wasn’t enough booze in the house to wipe away that conversation and disappeared into the living room. 

“What… was that all about?” Naruto looked over at Itachi, confused by what just happened. 

“Naruto, you are such a blond sometimes.” Itachi shook his head and smiled. “Now about plan B…” 

“Shut up, Itachi, I can hear everything you say!” Sasuke yelled in from the living room followed by the sound of rapid machine gun fire. 

“Hey, are you killing people without me.” Naruto pushed his chair back and quickly got up, glancing at Itachi and the table full of half-eaten food. “You got this, right?”

The thought of Sasuke sitting in the living room and burning off some anger by shooting fake people amuse Itachi greatly. He tossed the blue napkin down and tapped his fingers against the table. Oh he had it alright and had no problem cleaning up while the two of them bonded some more. With the way Sasuke was acting around Naruto, it seemed plan B would be in full swing soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Raz's b-day back in 2012. Another Little Things verse story. This one directly follows Little Things in the timeline.


End file.
